i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
There's a possibility I may have hooked up with that British guy...
Possibility? You left the door open! Everyone saw!
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
i just really want to fuck a guy wearing lederhosen
it'll be sexier than it sounds, i promise
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
