i cant believe u jumped in someones trunk just to get out of talking to me
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Some crack addled fool from the sketch ass motel behind the restaurant just gave me a flyer for an AA group when I was on my smoke break. I don't do mornings
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Im so drunk and the cops showed up so i ran on all 4's through the woods because i had no shoes hoping they would mistake me for a fox
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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