Idk. We dropped acid and Kevin ran away again. We didn't find him for like 3 hours.
Man I wish I had been there
Yah we found him in the pool shed of some elderly couple. They were on the porch watching all of the shenanigans. ...To be young again.
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
You hooked up with a kindergarten teacher?
Yea. It's kind of weird knowing that there are kindergarten teachers out there with their nipples pierced.
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
I kept pulling the $1 bills off the stage and told everyone "no no no she has to work for this money"
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I'm going to have to start playing roller derby again so I can blame my sex-related bruises on that.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
I think he's like 40 and maybe a little sociopathetic and i have never been so turned on
Another text to add to the intervention pile, i see
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
U know this is gone far when im in the bathroom trying to take a pic of my asshole
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
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