You smell like a Billy Joel song
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
Unless you watched your mom's very literal rendition of "I touch myself" while she was wearing a bikini, your vacation wasn't as bad as mine.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
Just had a shirt made that says "I'm sorry" going to wear it every sat and sun morning for the foreseeable future
I just watched how this is made for an hour because I was tooo high to remember what they were making. it was like a prize at the end.
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
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