I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
I can't believe he cheated
Whatever. Anytime she has an orgasm, it's because I taught him how
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize