Yeah, i think she was German or something.
No dude, she's just got a speech impediment.
there is a homeless man oan crack poledancing on a fence... now hes humping it...
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
My idiot ex texted me on Valentine's day to tell me I was right, he did need a therapist.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
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