no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
im so sorry the vomit froze your passenger door shut... you should have stopped.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
It's amazing I mean I blew that senator just for him to deny me marriage.... Politics suck and he swallowed!
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Fun times on public transportation. I just had a guy imply that I was racist cause I didn't want to talk to him when I was clearly reading my book and he was clearly on coke.
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I dunno that I'd be trusting enough of junkyard tequila to drink it.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
Randomize
