It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
Has my life seriously led me to day drinking on a Monday the third week of the semester?
It's after 5, it's not day drinking.
It's a gay bachelor party, it's not like dignity is to be expected
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Never in my life did I expect to see Eric's mom in a cheerleader outfit along with other women
Randomize
