...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
Annabeth just got on the bar and slurred something about how she was worried that when she started dating you your penis wouldnt fit. You are one lucky bastard my friend.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Are there edibles for sale in the Denver airport because if so bring those to my mouth
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
A bitchslap is in order.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
how the FUCK did i spend 25 dollars at 50 cent beer night?
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