Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
There are two things I love in this world. Dick and cats. Why can't I just have dick and cats forever
Can I just say I love the fact that were in business with guys where I can write a hand job up hoes down text message
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
Randomize
