u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Bring booze and chicks. Separate, or one already in the other. Your call.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
We lived together for a year and neither of us knew we were both gay.
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
I'm on my way back with the wine... And a puppy. It was free.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Floor bacon is actually really good
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
