Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
When I came in she was screaming "boundaries!" at the cat because it was trying to eat her pizza rolls.
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Only Tommy would bring a stripper pole to a bonfire
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
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