you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
We got so high we made milksteak
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
No dude, you can't hot box a bus shelter.
Go for the frenulum. Its like eating a popsicle. They go nuts with that shit.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
there's people who respect me enough not to bang on my bed and i think that's beautiful
i just love the holidays, i hotboxed a gingerbread house last night
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Thank god you don't know my other address I'm safe for now
Awww you know you would like it if I found u
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