i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
i think i scared a bird with my dick
This gyro tastes like lonliness
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
like don't tell me my baby smooth vag offended you
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
