I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
I don't care. I'm going to fuck John's friend and it's all your fault.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Lets play hurricane shelter. And the shelter is my bed, and we forgot our clothes.
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
I know. His dick was small at the top and got bigger at the bottom, like a fucking curling wand.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Can't. Way too high. Forgot how to operate doors. Stuck outside.Come get me.
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Randomize
