I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am solely responsible for the birth of their child. I mean, I did push them into the room and hold the door shut yelling "punch that kitty!". It has to be a sign.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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