He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
there's a giant awkward home-wrecking elephant in the room. and its name is meg.
This toilet bowl is my home.
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
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