She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Had to decide between a hook up at the train restroom or getting to work on time #growingup
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Why is there a pair of panties on my front lawn?
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
Randomize