my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Hes stumbling drunkenly around the streets of New York with a balloon vagina on his head. I'd say hes having a good night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
So after I fell off 4 times we concluded I'm not allowed to ride him anymore.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
It's not christmas until we're acting sober in front of grandma
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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