do you think i can make that microwavable cake stuff with vodka instead of water?
you should probably use water
i dont have any
at least after i hook up with someone i have the decency to ignore them
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
how many times have i told you.. they dont like when you laugh during sex
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
It's Friday the 13th and you just got boned by a guy named Jason....
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
im gonna miss him. and by him, i mean his dick
Randomize
