Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
The highlight of my Saturday night was singing along to the sound of music alone in my room.
Ah shit... I sleep-ate chocolate pudding again.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
Tried to drunkenly hop a fence with my cast on to get away from the cops but ended up falling over a bench.. how do I explain those bruises to my parents?
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
That cat I follow on Facebook beat cancer so we're drinking tonight in celebration
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
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