Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
i'm chasing tequila w mint flavored ice cream, phil's chasing it w cream cheese, bashar's chasing it w pickles...i think we all know who the winner is....
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
Is it possible to make a milkshake in a martini shaker or am I gonna need a blender?
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Or maybe I'll just keep introducing myself like, hello, they call me iane because I need the D. Applications are submitted online, women need not apply.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
i have a strong feeling that today will be a naked day for me...i don't feel like doing shit
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
Randomize
