Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
I got to see some gay bartender let a girl with daddy issues whip Travis in the balls with his own belt. Totally worth it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
What if there is no right person? Maybe it's just the right cat. Or the right 12 cats.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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