i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
