I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
I just saw a midget ride by on a scooter...wearing a bowtie and a helmet. My life is complete.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
It's that whole "half Japanese, half asshole" thing. My brother and I have found that people really go for that
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
Randomize
