It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It can't be Friday yet, in still getting friend requests of people I don't remember from last weekend
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm just bringing him "breakfast," and breakfast may lead to lunch and dinner, but that doesn't mean I want the mealplan.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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