Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
Randomize
