I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's just unfortunate that I still have the image of him having sex with me fresh in my mind
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize