I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
just saw a man remove a wedgie from his lady's ass. who says chivalry is dead.
we live in such a classy society.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
and all i could think about was how mcdonalds would not be open anymore after we were done having sex
We fucked in my basement while hiding from the cops.. And now his Facebook picture is him and others holding up there MIP's in front of my house.. I feel obligated to add him as a friend.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
I ended up passing out on the shitter for like an hour with mcds smoothie all over my face
Stoned in a petco on a Saturday. I figured out that ferrets can eat themselves out. Just picture it. Never leaving.
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
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