I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
We got really excited for country fried steak then we had sex.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
Dude, she stopped mid blow job to ask the cat's name. ADHD might be a deal breaker after all.
Randomize
