i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
the outcome of this sandwich determines whether or not i do anything else with my day..
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
Now I know he's not trying to fuck me. He took me to lunch at White Castle.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I'd like to believe that in some alternate universe we are living this wonderful lesbian life together..
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I hope you have your own chainsaw cause I didn’t buy one for you. It was a gross oversight on my part
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
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