Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
In other news, the one guy I DIDN'T have sex with in High School is now famous.
Acid king. Jackson puked a lot. Promoter booth. Angry security. No acid. Probably a good thing.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
yea, she was legit pissed that her rasberry vodka ice cubes never actually froze. but we couldnt convince her otherwise.
Randomize
