Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
apparently 9 shots of absynthe does not take away your skill to walk. i just woke up under a tree in some field on the other side of town with 4 hours missing.
The weird kid in front of me is reading an article titled "why don't i have a girlfriend?" the article then continues to talk about the mathematical equation for obtaining a girlfriend. exhibit a of why he is single
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I am seriously considering thanking Macallan 18 in my thesis acknowledgments.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
And that facial hair. He might as well shave it so it spells "douche" on one cheek and "nozzle" on the other.
Xanax and cookies, it's good to be home
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I was high as fuck laying down in the back seat while she gave him head. Most awkward chill moment of my life.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
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