i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
It would be celebrated in history as "the orgasm heard round the world"
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judging by the mobile uploads you added of me last night, we cant keep living this way.
I've decided I'm either going to ease him into this breakup by having a threesome with him and the girl I'm leaving him for, or be brutal and fuck his room mate. it depends how nice he is tonight.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
i have my bailey's and coffee which lasts me until lunch, at which time its appropriate for me to bring a vodka and OJ mix for the afternoon. This university thing is grrreat
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I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
I apologize that you just fell victim to my random thought of how to make a blow job come to life via emojis.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
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