i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Well that's another check off the sexual bucketlist of things I never wanted to experience.
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
Can we just cry and dive into a couch-sized bag of sadness-chips, dip them in a la-z-boy sized jar of depression salsa while watching a show called 'Forget Your Hopes and Dreams, Just Kill Yourself'?
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
my mom said i came home and fell asleep on the floor. like right in front of her.
I hope the lord has blessed you with many tampons, child.
I hope Trump leaves Planned Parenthood alone for at least another month. The week got away from me. #whorelando
I was at a hookups house and peed in his sink so I wouldn't wake up his mom... drunk me is on a different level
Randomize
