He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
You were crying and asking his mom "why doesn't he like road head?"
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
Somehow ed fucked carrie while purposely not saying a single word to her all night. He just nodded and smiled.
Would it have been easier if he talked to her?
Yeah, but i bet him he couldn't do it. Now he gets a free taco bell combo of his choosing.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
Drunkenly making hamburger helper. I just whispered "I can't wait to have you in my mouth."
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
