i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
I don't think the cop knew you were on ecstasy until you asked for a back rub.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
Found a phone out last night at the bar. EPIC homemade porn vids on it!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
And to be fair, I think we all suspect that forbidden sex with an outlaw biker might be worth it.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
sometimes u just gotta ride a dildo and forget about life
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