she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
Just filled up my pledge keg goblet with coffee at bp. They can judge all they want. At least I'm not killing baby dolphins.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
true friends will drive 3 hours to come smoke a couple blunts with you on the bridge where your car broke down
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
But in today's society it's frowned upon not to wear pants in public.
My ladyscape is the envy of many and the shangrila of few. I will display it proudly.
I'm sending him pics of me in my new lingerie telling him to come over and when he gets here I'll have changed into like sweats and a 5 year old shirt with ketchup stains on it
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
