It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
Got to see someone fall down the stairs while holding hot coffee and a folder full of papers. Best Monday ever.
theres so much semen in my vacuum cleaner...
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
There's strippers and bear every where so ether you gave me the wrong address or this is the coolest birthday party thrown for a seven year old ever.
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
I'm no longer puke free since 2013 am I.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
