Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There isn't a single transaction on my online bank account that doesn't involve drugs or alcohol since November 12
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
Did someone do a keg stand in my bathtub?
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
Can you bring me the toilet please
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I was floored. Like way less concerned with him using drugs than I am with him not believing in evolution.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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