T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
Crying while I'm pooping. I think this is rock bottom
Lmao a dude who just got out of prison said im worth 10 cigarettes in prison...I think that's a compliment
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
So I figured out why that guy from Tinder stopped messaging me back. He got married.
Randomize
