K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
that was after you ironed the burrito. didn't leave much cheese on the ironing board though
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
My liver just had a heart attack.
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
I'm going to blackout. I realize this
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
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