I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Opportunity cost of getting to econ after a night on the town > marginal benefit of attending class
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
does it count as a threesome if she tried to blow the dude who was passed out next to us?
I lost my grandmas ring. Probably during the handjob.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
I just picked up a hitchhiker so karma will be on our side this weekend. Hahahahahaha
No.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
After returning from the hospital with lock-jaw from getting tackle at the game. Some naked chick busted out of his room and hit him with a devastating haymaker to the jaw because he wouldn't have sex
Randomize
