if we break up, blackout me is coming back, making out with everything in sight
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
On way back. With a shopping cart. Minimal casualties.
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
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