I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
let's skip the party, and just play drunken wii, again. its time to give my vag a break.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
I AM THE KING OF THE FRESHMEN
how did i know this would happen?
Oh damn. God have mercy on everything w a dick in a ten mile radius.
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I almost had sex at the fire station last night and I need you to acknowledge all the awesomeness that is in that sentence.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
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