Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
my lips still taste like vagina
so you liked breakfast?
ehh, still wish we woulda went to IHOP instead
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
at first i was on the bathroom floor cuz i was hungover. now im just here because it is cool
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
hes sooooo boring!!! I feel like I’m in a relationship with myself now. I have an 8 inch dildo under my bed, THATS how much I’m in a relationship with myself.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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