Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
Never again. Her vagina looked like a sad old man.
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
Are we still banned from the library?
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
