Me. At least after what I've been through.
i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
I just chugged a whole pitcher of beer in 1 min. 9 sec. A whole goddamn pitcher.
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
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i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
I fell asleep completely naked, standing up with my arms and head in the freezer
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my liver is dry heaving
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
I will find, mount, and marry that person.
i stood outside in the bushes for thirty minutes. Do you know how many drunk guys pee in bushes at 2 am?
Dick is dick
Look decision making is not my specialty
Which is why I just spent $33 on a breakfast sandwich coffee and hash browns
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