You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
Just saw an Asian kid crash into the bike rack with his bike. I love sitting outside the engineering building.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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