craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
At victory brunch. Have a decent story. Im now eskimo brother with the duke mens basketball teams from 2002 to 2008 and obamas right hand man
You may or may not have poured bacon fat down her shirt
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
We have a little not a lot. We already rolled a blunt and named him Ron.
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
He told me to be a woman and make him dinner. So I threw a bagel at him and went out to dinner.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
I'm setting goals and achieving them. I'd say I'm quite mature for my age.
You're goal was to fuck him and you don't even remember it.
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
I am downtown smoking a joint with Woody Harrelson...Because our car won't start. I will be there as soon as I can.
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