Should I feel badly because I just bought a really hot pregnant girl a drink after I lit her cigarette?
i'm in his phone as sushi coochie
she was sure she was an eel. She spent 40 minutes sliterhing on the floor to get to her room
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just bought the plane tickets. Light headed. Blood rush to clit oh god blue clit. Mayday mayday vagina down!
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Orgasms and cereal.... that's what life's about.
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