Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
I just woke up in my car with half the wedding cake next to me. This will not end well.
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't know if this beer pong partnership can last if you refuse to look me in the eye when we make sweet sweet clutch cup at the same time.
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
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