I'm laying in your front yard are you home
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Ok. As long as I can keep Kevin contained to the room I'll be ok. If not u might have a naked puking Kevin at ur door
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Randomize
