It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
