You made me cry and you don't even care
Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
It wasn't really sex. It was just rolling around, trying to make sure his dick didn't end up in my ass.
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
Watching my ex make out with another girl is weird.
But she's wearing a jumpsuit so I feel better.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Slowly dying because of my period and my phone is mocking me because I have 69% battery
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
