She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm giving you an age limit on the people you're allowed to hit on at steak n shake at 3 am. I can't see straight and I want a cheeseburger. You want dick. I'm sure we can't order at least one of those. But maybe.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I am making up for a 7 year dry spell so I get a pass and I don't always care if there is a second date. It is like college but with more money and condoms.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
