just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
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