just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Smoked a blunt with a girl i met at the bus stop today. What you did today is irrelevant
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Using mass transit when I'm hungover makes me feel like I missed my calling as a serial killer
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
