I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
