We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
I'm going to jail i love you
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
I can't believe all I ate yesterday was half a turkey sandwich and 20 finger licks of exctasy.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
most of the afternoon was spent sneaking around my house and alternating which bathrrom to throw up in.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I am not working on the very first day I can throw up alcohol that I legally bought and drank.
Woke up in your shoes. Please tell me you woke up in mine
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
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