My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
I'm celebrating tres de junio so if you can help me find some sombreros ill be grateful. Also, today in 1992 Aborigines were granted rights to their land so I might need some boomerangs.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I wish you would stop telling everyone that your cock turned me into a Bears fan.
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
Date #3: He brought me a mason jar full of organic weed that he grew on his property. Will you be the witness when we sign our marriage license?
We had sex on a dog bed..
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
I forgot that I'm high because of how high I am.
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