You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
