Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
Dude you made a rodeo shot in beer pong won the game then got in the hot tub poured beer all over the side and screamed "hot tub time machine!"...
This hangover makes more sense now
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
By the end of our first date my penis was pierced.
Randomize
